The Haunted Weblog

2003-07-27T16:36:00.000-04:00

Meet the Artist – Charles Krafft works in the delicate medium of porcelain. He makes lovely decorative guns and bombs and delft plates depicting murder, disaster and atrocity. He is a leader in the field of bone china. His specialty is human bone china, made from cremains. If you would like to go through eternity as a plate or a teapot, write for his free brochure, Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Delft.

2003-07-27T16:17:00.000-04:00

The Ahmedabad Horror – Your family has a nice little apartment in India. Sure, it is a little crowded with 14 people in one flat, but it could be worse. Things are going pretty well except for the blood mysteriously oozing from the walls. Could this be a bad sign?

2003-07-27T16:05:00.000-04:00

Dead Chic – Coolest mummy ever.

2003-07-20T21:17:00.000-04:00

How Sad That Our Son Is Dead – But it would be a shame to let this nice little plot of arable land go to waste. Besides, people leave plants at graves all the time. Who’s going to notice a few seven foot tall cannabis plants?

2003-07-20T18:26:00.000-04:00

Egad.

2003-06-21T15:31:00.000-04:00

What a Lousy Weblog! – I apologize to anyone who had gotten used to checking this space for my dark and stormy look at the world, but lately time and hen’s teeth have had a lot on common. I’m not too happy about it, but I don’t see things improving much in the near future. Pity.

2003-05-06T21:55:00.000-04:00

My Life Today – Leave home at 7:30 to be at work before 8:30. Load up my bag with paperwork, then leave work after 5:00. Get home after 6:00. Start on paperwork. Put chicken in the oven, get back to paperwork. Have dinner, rest for fifteen minutes, back to paperwork. Finish paperwork after 9:30. Now I think I’ll go to bed. Last night I woke up at 3:00 dreaming about work. Hopefully tonight will be better. Why are you reading this weblog? I am obviously a boring drudge with no life outside work. Blah.

2003-05-04T18:02:00.000-04:00

Watching Watching the Nightingales – Episode 16 of Douglas Clegg’s e-serial hit his fan’s inboxes this week and we all learned more about the mysterious Nightingale family. This episode invoked the sense of wonder that got us all reading fantasy in the first place and the sense of cosmic dread that hooked us on horror. All that in one little e-mail. Not bad.

2003-05-04T17:59:00.000-04:00

Accidental Vampire – He admits he beat the hooker to death, crushed her skull, broke her neck and drank her blood, but what he doesn’t understand is why the police are being so hard on him. After all, it wasn’t intentional.

2003-04-29T21:43:00.000-04:00

Burke and Hare, DDS – Where did my dentists dig up such amazingly lifelike dentures? Perhaps they too read Edgar Poe?

2003-04-29T21:24:00.000-04:00

I’ve Never Been Much of a Soccer Fan – But these kids play it as it was meant to be played – with a human skull.

2003-04-28T21:42:00.000-04:00

Watching Watching the Nightingales – It has been a long time between episodes, but number 15 was finally sent out last week. I can’t fault Mr. Clegg for putting the serial novel on hiatus due to the need to concentrate on other work. I’ve been having similar problems myself. It is, however, not all that easy to pick up where you left off more than two months ago. It took a few paragraphs to get back into the swing of things. In this episode young Alex learns more about the mysterious basement and perhaps what happened to him when he was six. Good stuff, and I’m glad that the story is going again. On a personal note it is buoying to see that successful professional writers have the same time management problems that I do and make the same minor errors in their early drafts that I make. These little things will be corrected later on, but it does my heart good to see them now.

2003-04-27T21:53:00.000-04:00

Hiatus – Obviously I’ve been away for a little while. My work life and a few other things began to consume more of my time, energy, and attention than usual, and something had to give. Things are still pretty intense here, but my time is a little better organized. I won’t be fully up to speed right away, but I will be posting again. By the way, I posted a similar announcement a couple of weeks ago, but it vanished. I’m still waiting for Google to make Blogger a better system.

2003-03-30T15:15:00.000-05:00

Cemetery Dancing – I finally found the time to read issue #41 of Cemetery Dance. About time, as issue #42 has already arrived. The fiction was top notch – I especially liked Brian A. Hopkins’s tale of revenge and cosmic horror in the Catacombs of Sicily, “Communion with the Worm” and Chris Bevard’s tale of revenge, ghosts, and madness, “Indian Rain.” The book and movie reviews are always worth reading, and I love Thomas F. Monteleone’s column. The non-fiction in CD is great, worth the cover price on its own.

As usual there are a few interviews in this issue, and I always read them, whether it is an author I already read or someone new to me. I have never read Phil Rickman, but I was enjoying the interview with him. He was talking about the problem of categorization. Shelving a book in a genre section of a bookstore can help its sales. People who like books about spaceships or serial killers are more likely to buy your book if it is shelved near other books about spaceships or serial killers. On the other hand some people see this as relegating a book to a genre ghetto where it won’t get the readership it deserves. Furthermore some books are in a thematic twilight zone, not clearly in one genre or another. This can lead to shelving errors that can cause a book to be placed in the wrong part of the store, losing potential readers. Proper shelving is an ongoing question among booksellers, writers, publishers, and readers. Here is what Phil Rickman has to say about the subject: “(W)henever you see one of my novels in a bookstore it tends to be right there next to Anne Rice – a fine writer, sure, but we’re really not in the same bag. I don’t really know what to do about this. Not many people in the book business, outside of actual writers, seem to be blessed with flexible minds – if it involves the supernatural it must be horror. Assholes.”

Since I have spent most of my adult life working in the book business, as a bookseller and retail buyer, what do you suppose my reaction is to being told that my colleagues and I do not possess flexible minds and are assholes? Well my first reaction was to respond by writing FUCK YOU PHIL RICKMAN! FUCK YOU AND THE HIGH HORSE YOU RODE IN ON! But that would be rude. Rickman says he doesn’t know what to do about the problem, but he is wrong. He knows exactly what to do – insult booksellers. I’ve met a lot of writers in the various bookstores I’ve worked at. Most of them understand that our job is to sell their books. We are their natural friends and business partners. But a few of them see us as ignorant shopkeepers who stand between them and bestsellerdom. We need to be told to do things their way, as the writer surely knows more about bookselling than the bookseller. My colleagues and I have a name for such people: dickheads. The writers who work with us tend to have their books handsold and prominently displayed. The ones who insult us don’t. Following the interview there was a novel excerpt by Phil Rickman. I generally do not like excerpts. I want a complete story, not an advertisement for a book. Nevertheless I can report that it was well written and intriguing. Mr. Rickman is certainly a good writer, and I sympathize with his frustration. But if you come into my shop don’t expect to see me recommending him to my customers. I’m afraid my mind isn’t quite that flexible.

2003-03-30T12:31:00.000-05:00

Important Safety Tip – Let’s say you are hunting for hidden treasure in India. Your partner is a temple priest and he often performs sorcery upon you to help find the treasure. Let us further suggest that you decide to pray and supplicate yourself before the Goddess Durga hoping that she will reveal the treasure to you. Do not, under any circumstances, bow down before the Goddess if you friend the priest is holding an axe. Trust me on this one.

2003-03-30T12:19:00.000-05:00

Tradition Vs. Overpopulation in the 21st Century – In China April 5 is the annual Grave-Sweeping Festival. Folks like to go to the graves of their relatives, clean them up, offer food and drink, and burn “hell money.” The government says that it causes traffic jams and the burning paper has started forest fires, so this year they say that people should stay home and visit online cemeteries instead. I’m sure it will be just as fulfilling.

2003-03-29T16:41:00.000-05:00

Dead Cat Rocks! – (book notes) – Dead Cats Bouncing edited by Gerard Houarner and GAK – Three years ago Gerard Houarner wrote an odd little story about a cat who was born in the Temple of Bastet, sacrificed, mummified, and sent to Hell. Dead Cat doesn’t like Hell, so he finds a way to bounce back to the world of the living. As such this is something of a “mummy” story with a cat standing in for Boris Karloff. The other twist is that the story is told in the first person (first feline actually). Since cats are not known for their strong verbal and written communications skills, Houarner used a writing style that starts spare and whittles down from that. For example:

“See scorpion. Hunt scorpion. Catch scorpion. Scorpion sting. Eat scorpion. Sting inside. Spit out. Hunt again.

“Dead Cat like living.”

Houarner managed to fill his little story with wit, wisdom, grotesquerie, and grace (believe it or not). One might think that such simple prose would be boring, but on the contrary it works its way into your head and starts to be kind of fun. You begin to think it might be neat to write like this too. Dead Cat cool. Dead Cat has interesting perspective. Other writers meet Dead Cat. They want to play with Dead Cat. That fun.

Hence, this book. Houarner’s story was published in a chapbook, puckishly illustrated by GAK, and it became a favorite among horror writes. An idea was born and now we have this weird little anthology with fourteen new stories along with the original and an introduction written by Dead Cat himself. Who wouldn’t want a book with contributions by John Skipp, Tom Piccirilli, Paul Di Filippo, David Niall Wilson, Charlee Jacobs, Edward Lee, Yvonne Navarro, Jack Ketchum, and several other talented people? Some of the writers chose to write in the Dead Cat style, others went their own way. This book is full of surprises. Jack Ketchum wrote something that was strangely touching. Yvonne Navarro sees old D.C. getting it on. Edward Lee writes up some political humor? Gene O’Neill introduced our little friend to Frankenpup. Paul De Filippo gives us an Archy and Mehitable pastiche crossed with a horror story. Tom Piccirilli goes noir while John Skipp gets poetical. Dead Cat meets gods and girls, crazies and catnip. Illustrated throughout by GAK, this little beauty comes with an extra surprise – it is autographed by all of the participants. Is it a collectible or a book of bedtime stories for your warped inner child? It’s both!

2003-03-29T15:25:00.000-05:00

Rest In Piece – Robert Bourque, inventor of Zoltan the Astrological Wizard.

2003-03-28T20:53:00.000-05:00

More Inspiration For Writers of Horror Stories – A couple of artists have set up microphones to record the sounds of famous people’s tombs.

2003-03-24T21:33:00.000-05:00

Stephen King Novel Comes True – In South Africa a 15 year old boy has been accused of starting fires by supernatural means. Is the lad practicing some form of pyrotechnic witchcraft or has he been bewitched himself? That is the burning question. (I’m sorry. It’s a compulsion. I should be ashamed of myself. But I’m not.)

2003-03-24T21:19:00.000-05:00

Turns Out He Was Just Dead Drunk – The doctors were just about to begin the autopsy when the corpse woke up, jumped off the table, and ran like hell. Turns out he had been drinking bhang, so this is either a warning or a recommendation, depending on your point of view. Just say no kids!

2003-03-23T21:31:00.000-05:00

The Next Must Have Book – Coming soon to a bookshelf near you: The Midget Bullfighters of Mexico!

2003-03-23T17:24:00.000-05:00

Big Changes With Big Book – The upcoming 16th edition of The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror will be last for fantasy editor Terri Windling. Kelly Link and Gavin Grant will be responsible for the fantasy half next year. I read it more for Ellen Datlow’s horror picks, but have always enjoyed the Windling half too.

2003-03-23T16:53:00.000-05:00

Baby Smuggling – 28 baby girls have been found hidden in suitcases on a bus in southwestern China (via Drudge)

2003-03-18T22:35:00.000-05:00

Good News For Boston Bibliophiles! – Avenue Victor Hugo is going to re-open.

2003-03-18T22:27:00.000-05:00

Rotten Art – An artist in Belgium is looking for someone to star in the ultimate reality TV show. He plans to film a corpse as it decomposes and post it on the web. Run it in fast forward and you can re-create the last moments of M. Valdemar. Someone may soon have their fifteen minutes of fame as “detestable putridity.”

2003-03-17T20:54:00.000-05:00

Preserved in Peat – No, not my scotch-soaked liver, mummies. In a major new find archeologists have discovered that some Bronze Age Britons mummified their dead. This opens up new avenues in the fields of historical research and cheesy monster movies.

2003-03-17T20:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday William Gibson! – Today is the 55th birthday of the man who coined the word “cyberspace.” You do know that he has a blog don’t you?

2003-03-17T20:35:00.000-05:00

Well Then It’s War – Let us pray that it all goes as it should and good triumphs over evil.

2003-03-17T20:21:00.000-05:00

Happy Evacuation Day! – On this day in 1776 the British were chased out of Boston by American patriots. We’ve been celebrating it ever since. Some people are also celebrating their Irish heritage today. Good for them too.

2003-03-16T21:24:00.000-05:00

Ghouls Go Where The Money Is – In the late 18th and early 19th centuries grave robbing was a big business in the UK. Almost as soon as a body was put in the ground someone was digging it up. Why? Medical schools needed corpses to teach anatomy and they were pretty hard to come by. Professors were not above paying for their teaching materials – no questions asked. It is a basic law of economics: where there is a demand, there will be supply. In today’s southern Africa there is no shortage of dead bodies. The only people getting rich are those in the funerary business. It is coffins that are in demand now. That is the background to this grim little story of modern grave robbing. These descendents of Burke and Hare didn’t get away with the child’s coffin that they were after because cemeteries in Zimbabwe are far to busy these days.

2003-03-16T11:57:00.000-05:00

Mammoth Horrors – (book notes) – The Mammoth Book of Best New Horror 13 edited by Stephen Jones – Every year I read the two major “best” anthologies and every year I wonder what is meant by “best.” Don’t get me wrong. I’m here to tell you that Stephen Jones’s The Mammoth Book of Best New Horror and Ellen Datlow and Terri Windling’s Years Best Fantasy and Horror (I reviewed the 15th edition a few weeks ago, check out Book Fetish for Calliope’s review of the 14th) are still must-reads for anyone interested in short fiction from the dark side, but I do wonder sometimes. While some of the stories are truly deserving of the highest accolades, some are just good (Nothing wrong with that, but what makes them better than the other good stories of the year?) and some are, well, not all that thrilling. Editor’s choice I suppose, but I wonder if sometimes they feel they have to stretch to fill their gigantic volumes. Maybe I’m just being too picky.

Anyway, here are the highlights: Editor Jones starts out with his usual mammoth round-up of everything that happened in the horror world in the year 2001. The casual reader will surely want to at least skim this, as while it is way too much minutia it does contain remarkable little gems of information.

Four of the stories were in both of the big books, which is an honor any writer would envy. “The Crocodile Lady” by Christopher Fowler, “Struwwelpeter” by Glen Hirshberg, “Outfangthief” by Gala Blau, and “Cleopatra Brimstone” by Elizabeth Hand. All were excellent. The first and last stories were by Chico Kidd, a big honor for someone who is not yet a big name. Both stories feature Portuguese sea captain Luís Da Silva. “Mark of the Beast” was a pretty good werewolf story, and the excellent “Cats and Architecture” featured time travel and demonology. Da Silva is an interesting character and I’m sure we will see more of both him and Kidd. “The Two Dicks” by Paul McAuley gives us an alternative life of Philip K. Dick, a story of art, genius, and paranoia. I’m not sure it is horror, but it is good fiction. Douglas Smith’s “By Her Hand She Draws You Down” is a chilling weird tale of an artist with a great hunger. “Oh Death Where is Thy Spatula” by Poppy Z. Brite is a pleasantly grotesque story about food and death, but it takes itself a bit too seriously. It doesn’t quite live up to the promise of the title. Dennis Etchison gives us the disturbing “Got to Kill Them All” (love that title) in which a man planning a murder makes a new friend.

“First, Catch Your Demon” by Graham Joyce is one of the most gripping and repulsive (I mean that in a good way) pieces of erotic fiction I’ve read in a while. A man on a Mediterranean island meets a beautiful mysterious stranger with an affinity for scorpions. Fun ensues. “Simeon Dimsby’s Workshop” by Richard A. Lupoff is a charming story of a writer meeting his favorite illustrator for the first time. I think the shocking conclusion is actually a bit obvious, but it is still a nice, creepy tale. “Our Temporary Supervisor” by Thomas Ligotti is one of the best pieces in the book. The supervisor at the factory has to go to the home office and is replaced by what can only be described as a malign presence. This is a weird tale mixed with a modern worker’s nightmare. It shouldn’t work, but it does. “Off the Map” by Michael Chislett is about a man who likes to explore London with his A to Z, but there is a spot that not in the guide, where the normal laws of time and space are suspended. Just a nice weird tale, very well told.

As I said, there are a few stories that just didn’t work for me, and a few that were good, but not really outstanding. Still, there is enough excellent fiction here that a horror fan really should check this out.

Now then, how about a pointless comparison? Which is the best of the two best books? It really is an apples and oranges study, as the Datlow/Windling also contains the best fantasy. But just for fun let’s pretend that I’m to be the editor of a new anthology, a best of the best. I’ll call it The Haunted Anthology of the Best Horror Fiction of the Best “Best of” Anthologies. Catchy huh? Here are my picks:

“Prussian Snowdrops” by Marion Arnott
“Outfangthief” by Gala Blau
“The God of Dark Laughter” by Michael Chabon
“Trading Hearts at the Half Kaffe Café” by Charles De Lint
“Got to Kill Them All” Dennis Etchison
“Crocodile Lady” by Christopher Fowler
“Cleopatra Brimstone” by Elizabeth Hand
“Struwwelpeter” by Glen Hirshberg
“Black Dust” by Graham Joyce
“First, Catch Your Demon” by Graham Joyce
“Mark of the Beast” by Chico Kidd
“Onion” by Caitlín R. Kiernan
“Our Temporary Supervisor” by Thomas Ligotti
“Gestella” by Susan Palwick
“Annabelle’s Alphabet” by Tim Pratt
“By Her Hand She Draws You Down” by Douglas Smith
“The Bird Catcher” by S.P. Somotow
“The Puppet and the Train” by Scott Thomas

I got a few more stories from Datlow/Windling than from Jones, so there’s my pointless answer to my pointless question. If you want to read The Haunted Anthology of the Best Horror Fiction of the Best “Best of” Anthologies you’ll just have to buy both books. Which is really not a bad idea.

2003-03-11T20:32:00.000-05:00

A Series of Unfortunate Events? – Or something much more sinister? That’s what parents in the Limpopo area of South Africa are asking about their kid’s high school. One student died of a sudden illness. This was followed four days later by a knife fight that ended in death for a sixteen year old. The next day a fourteen year old hanged himself. Since then there has been more violence. Parents have pulled their kids out of class and are raising money for a witch-sniffer. Police have warned them about vigilante action, but they are determined. Last week they found one of the witch’s spies, a baboon, and killed it. Kids have now returned to class, and things seem to be calming down, but I have a feeling that more innocent blood will be shed before this is over.

2003-03-11T20:11:00.000-05:00

Murder, Manhunt, and Magic – Their only evidence an exsanguinated torso, Scotland Yard investigators have made their way to Nigeria. There they have been introduced to the world of ju-ju. Their education includes discovering which animal parts are for sale at the ju-ju market, which parts of a human are eaten for various purposes, and what is the best color to dress a human sacrifice in. The policeman’s lot is surely not a happy one.

2003-03-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

The Mystery of the River Ethiope – Why does it only kill strangers? Is there a goddess living in the waters? Do locals leave their bad fortune on its banks for strangers to find? Is there hidden treachery in these clear sparkling waters of Nigeria?

2003-03-09T13:00:00.000-05:00

Mannerist Fantasy – (book notes) – The Fall of Kings by Ellen Kushner and Delia Sherman – Fans of Ellen Kushner have been waiting more than a decade for a sequel to Swordspoint. When I saw The Fall of Kings I thought “Oh well, still no sequel, but if Ellen Kushner and her partner Delia Sherman wrote it, I’ll probably want to read it.” Imagine my surprise when I started reading only to discover that this was, in fact, the long awaited sequel. I suppose the publisher didn’t make a big deal about it as this book can be read without having read its predecessor. Swordspoint was unusual among fantasy novels in that it contained no fantasy elements. No magic, no monsters, no rings of power. The only thing that put it in the genre at all was that the world it took place in never existed. It was a highly mannered pseudo-European pre-industrial place, a swirl of medieval, Renaissance and Regency. It was a world where kings had been replaced by a council of nobles generations ago, where nobles lived behind walls to separate themselves from the rough and tumble of the streets, and where duels were commonplace. A class of professional duelers had developed. Complex and rigid social codes allowed for nobles to employ these swordsmen to fight and die in their place. It was a fantasy not of wizards and dragons, but of politics, social conventions, rules of etiquette, and style. Owing less to Tolkien than to Georgette Heyer, it was original, witty, and charming.

The Fall of Kings takes place a generation later. The tradition of dueling and swordsmen has passed, the tradition of political infighting has not. As in Swordspoint this culture has no taboo against homosexual love, and as in that book the protagonists are lovers. Not a young rebellious student noble and a master swordsman this time, but the son of that noble, also a student, and a master of history at the university. Again a duel is at the center of the story, but this time it is an academic debate. As you might expect, there is a swirl of plotting and intrigue about our two lovers, and Kushner and Sherman’s cast of well drawn characters engage in a minuet of such interlocking intrigue that no one character ever has the complete picture.

While I was reading this book people would occasionally ask me what it was about. When I was about halfway through I would tell them that it was mostly conversations over food and drink and gay sex. Sensuality has always played a big part in Ellen Kushner’s writing (I’m not as familiar with Delia Sherman’s work) and reading her usually makes me hungry. As for the sex, it is nothing that you haven’t probably seen in a steamy romance novel, only this time both characters are men. If the idea of well written gay erotica is something you don’t think you can handle, that’s your loss. Anyway, all the drinking, dallying, and plotting are leading up to something kind of surprising: magic. As in the first book people generally believe that historical accounts of wizards were just superstitious foolishness, but at the center of this story is an historian’s research into the true nature of the ancient land-based fertility magic that once ruled the kingdom. This magic is both appealing and terrifying, and its discovery leads to events that are magnificent and tragic. The descriptive language is powerfully evocative, redolent of magic itself. It is a satisfying sequel that leaves us with only one unanswered question – how long will we have to wait for the next one?

2003-03-08T19:58:00.000-05:00

Convertible – A guy in Holland has designed a dual purpose bookcase. When you no longer have any use for books your friends will pull out the shelves, lay it flat, lay you out, and nail the shelves down across the top. It even comes with built-in wooden handles for your pallbearers.

2003-03-08T18:16:00.000-05:00

Just Routine Police Work – Until recently Katele Kalumba was Zambia’s most wanted man. The former foreign minister was a fugitive for three months, eluding police through the use of witchcraft. The police fought fire with fire, employed a little magic of their own, and caught their man. Now everyone is denying everything. Kalumba says the witchy paraphernalia was planted on him, while the police say they used no unusual techniques in the manhunt. The quote of the week: “But police said that, apart from the lack of underpants and their urination on traditional herbs found at Kalumba's hideaway, it was a conventional operation.”

2003-03-06T21:56:00.000-05:00

In the Ghoul-Haunted Woodland of Weir – (book notes) – Night in the Lonesome October by Richard Laymon – Folks who have been haunting this blog for a while know that I have something of a love/hate relationship with the works of Richard Laymon. He was always in total control of his prose, his pacing was excellent, and his plots were exciting. On the other hand his characters, while pretty well drawn and sometimes sympathetic, often act as if they were more interested in advancing Laymon’s plot than in using common sense. Not that people always use common sense in real life, but there was often an artificial feeling to the character’s decisions. In Night in the Lonesome October Laymon largely avoided that pitfall by giving us a character who is just getting over a painful break-up. His emotions are in a roil so his bizarre and obsessive behavior is somewhat more understandable. Laymon also wisely invokes Edgar Poe in his title and his protagonist’s name, suggesting that Ed may be following his own “imp of the perverse.”

Ed is a normal guy living in what seems to be in a normal college town. Upset over his recent break-up, he decides to take a late night walk and quickly discovers that after the sun goes down his town becomes populated with some very strange people. It is in this night world that he first spots a pretty young woman who seems to court danger. He becomes obsessed with meeting her, an obsession that puts him at some risk. He enters a world of night-people, some good, some weird, and some evil. Laymon created a fun-house mirror of a quiet little town, some parts warped just a little, some changed to fantastical proportions.

In many ways this is the most satisfying Laymon novel I’ve read. At night his town takes on a edge that can give you the creeps even when the protagonist is just walking down the street. The object of Ed’s obsession is a fascinating character who lives in the spaces that the rest of us abandon when we sleep. There are quiet, amusing little passages and edge of your seat thrills. So what’s not to like?

Well, as with other Laymon novels I’ve read there are moments when the characters do or say things that feel contrived. There is a chapter in which a few of the characters discuss literature. Nothing wrong with this, the characters are college students. It just felt as if they occasionally stopped being characters and instead became a way for the author to express his literary opinions. Also, it seems that in every Laymon novel there will be a passage where a woman will be naked and bound, a woman will do something physically heroic while naked or dressed in something flimsy or kinky, and a woman will perform or be made to perform sexually. We saw it in The Travelling Vampire Show, In the Dark, and Island. As the novel moved along I began to hope that we might not see it here. No such luck. Not that I mind a little bizarre sex in my fiction. Not at all. It is just that it feels so contrived. It is almost as if Richard Laymon would occasionally lay aside his considerable skills as a writer so that he could present us with his favorite S&M tableau. Ultimately uneven, with passages that felt real and natural next to passages that felt artificial and forced, this novel will fully satisfy the many devoted fans of the late Richard Laymon, but will leave a lot of the rest of us wanting more – and less.

2003-03-05T22:25:00.000-05:00

It’s Rung Down the Curtain and Joined the Choir Invisible – How’s this for weird? When I got to work this morning there was a dead hawk on our front doorstep. Guess who had to wrap up the raptor? When I got home I consulted my Sibley. I think it was a red-tail hawk, possibly a juvenile. Pity.

2003-03-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

Where is Herbert West When We Need Him? – You and your husband join a cult. So far so good. The cult leader and his family move in with you. Great. The leader tells you that you have to fast for forty days. Kind of tough, what with your husband being diabetic and all, but if the leaders says so then it must be right. Then your husband dies. Sad? No, the leader has said he can resurrect the dead. Yes, of course he can. But this might take a few weeks. Better nip down to the store and pick up some room deodorizers.

2003-03-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

Blimp Horror – You have not known horror until you have experienced Blimp Horror. Read it. Now. Trust me on this one. (link via: Sore Eyes)

2003-03-02T21:56:00.000-05:00

Greece Returns to the Middle Ages – The Greek government has banned a book for heresy. Or maybe blasphemy. I’m not sure, but I do know the book looks goofy. And Greece looks goofier.

2003-03-02T21:49:00.000-05:00

Mina Harker, Fag Hag? – A new theory says that Dracula was a gay fantasy. Now I don’t have any problem with gay vampires, but I do have a question about the folks who come up with radical new interpretations of old books. Do they actually bother to read them? (via: New World Disorder)

2003-03-02T16:54:00.000-05:00

Worse Than You Imagined – In the 14th century The Plague devastated Europe. Millions sickened and died, the dead began to outnumber the living, and whole communities withered away. Centuries later it is an interesting historical study. We can imagine what life was like for the survivors, try to gauge the effect the horror had upon Western Culture, and investigate the strange and superstitious culture of early Christian Europe as it faced the cataclysm. The research is fascinating and terrible, but not frightening, as we have the distance of history to protect us.

In the 21st century AIDS is devastating southern Africa. Millions are dying and whole countries will be depopulated. The billions that President Bush promised will help, but not enough. This report gives it to you straight and dirty, with a fascinating and terrible look at the traditions and superstitions that are helping to make the crisis worse (via: Arts & Letters Daily).

2003-03-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

From Hell – Nasty Newsflash. Police in Philadelphia were called to the scene of an abandoned house yesterday where a body had been found. They soon discovered that he had a rope around his neck, he had been cut open from nave to chops, and his internal organs had been removed. This leaves police and those of us with macabre imaginations with a question -- what does one do with a heart, lungs and “other organs” once you have them?

2003-02-28T21:28:00.000-05:00

Ghost Bride – In my never-ending effort to inspire writers of horror stories I would like to introduce you to a Hong Kong couple who are looking for a man to marry their dead daughter. They’ll provide a big dowry and a free apartment. All he has to do is marry a ghost.

2003-02-27T06:36:00.000-05:00

A Sad Day in the Neighborhood – Mr. McFeely delivered the inevitable message: Mr. Rogers is dead. While a lot of people will probably have smart-ass things to say, I was always fond of Fred Rogers. When I was a little kid I loved his show. I liked Picture-Picture, I liked visiting his neighbors (especially Chef Tell), and I liked Trolley. What I really loved though was the puppet show. Today’s kid’s shows have high-tech graphics, CGI, and product placement. The Neighborhood of Make-Believe had hand puppets, characters you could empathize with, well told stories, and heart.

2003-02-25T21:21:00.000-05:00

Good Old Future – (book notes) – The Past Through Tomorrow by Robert Heinlein – The fact that The Past Through Tomorrow is currently out of print is a damn shame. This is an omnibus edition that brings together the first four books of Heinlein’s “Future History” (Methusela’s Children, The Man Who Sold the Moon, The Green Hills of Earth, and Revolt in 2100) and lays them out in chronological order. RAH was never comfortable with the phrase “Future History,” as it seemed to imply an attempt at prophesy, but that is what his editor Joseph W. Campbell called it, and it stuck. This is the best of the early Heinlein, essential reading for anyone with an interest in science fiction.

I could write an essay on every novel and story in the book, but I’ll just mention a couple of points here. I’ve always been of two minds about “The Roads Must Roll.” On the one hand the image of pill-box hat wearing cadets training to join the elite engineers that run our national mass transit system makes me want to giggle. On the other hand the story is amazingly prophetic (a labor action threatens to shut down the nation’s transportation system – that’s happened) and wisely prescriptive (we sure would be better off if we weren’t getting around in SUVs). “If This Goes On—“ is a distopic vision of a future America ruled by fundamentalist Christians. It surpasses Margaret Atwood’s similar story in every way. The best piece in the book is the last, “Methuselah’s Children.” It introduces Heinlein’s most famous character, Lazarus Long, and brings together several of the characters from previous stories, helping to tie the series together. While his vision was brilliant, often surpassing his time, it was also sometimes mired in that time. In some stories you know that this was a writer living in the 30s or 40s, while in others the concepts, such as line marriage, are kind of shocking even today. This is ripping stuff, subtler and more thought provoking than many of his critics allow. Sometimes a science fiction fan just wants to read the good old stuff. This is it.

2003-02-25T21:15:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday – Today is my brother’s birthday. Eat, drink, and be merry pal, for tomorrow . . .

2003-02-23T12:15:00.000-05:00

Blast From the Passed – Swedish crematoriums report on the growing problem of exploding corpses.

2003-02-23T11:56:00.000-05:00

Who Wished For That? – A mother in Indonesia heard a noise in the nursery, ran in, and discovered that her 10 month old baby had just been circumcised by a genie. The article says “suspected genie,” but the phenomenon was confirmed by a local clairvoyant, so what’s to suspect?

2003-02-23T11:23:00.000-05:00

Microwaveable Death on a Cardboard Tray – Ever since my doctor told me to watch the sodium I’ve been reading nutrition labels more closely. I’ve seen some nasty stuff, but this is just evil. This truly is the Breakfast From Hell (via: Fark).

2003-02-18T16:51:00.000-05:00

Deep Clockwork – (book notes) – The Turk by Tom Standage -- In the late 18th century Wolfgang von Kempelen built a chess playing machine. It was essentially a table filled with gears and springs with a chessboard on top. It was wound up like a watch or a tin toy. On the far side of the table was a mechanical man, a dummy dressed in the turban and robes of a Turk. The dummy’s arm could move, pick up chess pieces, and place them on the squares. It could play chess. And it usually won.

That’s right, in 1770 a man built a machine that could play chess at a master’s level, beating Deep Blue by more than two centuries. Really? No, not really. It was a trick, but a darn good one. Von Kempelen built it to impress the imperial court in Vienna. After that the device took on a life of its own, capturing the imagination of the public well into the 19th century.

The Turk is one of those unconventional histories that casts light upon a little know aspect of our past and in so doing reveals unexpected treasures. In following the career of this device we learn about the vogue for clever clockwork machines that impressed the royal courts of Europe and how they inspired a growing belief that in the power of science and technology. We see how such toys later grew into useful inventions and inspired men such as Charles Babbage. Edmund Cartwright built the first power loom, convinced that he could do it after seeing the chess player. In that sense the Turk is the godfather of the industrial revolution and the computer punch card.

Standage gets to be something of an historical name dropper as some of the most interesting people of the time either saw the player, played it, had something interesting to say about it, or were linked to it by rumor. Empress Maria Theresa was fascinated, Benjamin Franklin played it (and lost), George III was rumored to have played it (probably not), and Jean Robert-Houdin wrote about it and made up a story featuring Catherine the Great that fooled the editors of the Encyclopedia Britannica, who included it in their 1911 edition. Napoleon Bonaparte played it and tried to cheat. The machine wouldn’t let him get away with it.

In the 19th century the device was purchased by Johann Maelzel, inventor, showman, occasional associate of Beethoven and “inventor” of the metronome (actually he stole the invention from Diedrich Winkel and ran to the patent office). He toured Europe and the United States with it and a collection of popular automata. He improved it somewhat, giving it the ability to say “echec” (“check” in French). In America he met a young P.T. Barnum, giving him a few words of encouragement. It was also where the chess player was seen by Edgar A. Poe.

Throughout the years various writers had tried to debunk the player, giving a variety of explanations for the seemingly impossible device. Some were foolish, some fanciful, and some pretty clever. The most famous of these (and the one that drew me to this book) was “Maelzel’s Chess Player” by Edgar Poe. Poe attempted to prove not only that the device was a fraud, but how it worked and why his explanation was the only logical solution. Poe believed that he could solve any puzzle simply through the power of ratiocination. He would later apply the methods he used in this essay to his fiction, inventing the mystery story.

I’ve always wondered how close Poe got, so I was looking forward to the penultimate chapter of the book were Standage reveals the Turk’s secrets. I won’t give away any secrets, but I’m afraid Mr. Poe would be somewhat disappointed by this book. I, on the other hand, was not. The Turk is a light, readable little history that gives us a fascinating look at the popular culture of the past.

BTW, pinniped has posted an interesting collection of links on the subject of automata. You might want to check it out.

2003-02-17T20:33:00.000-05:00

Yet Again – Another case of someone dying from natural causes followed by relatives who need someone to blame for their tragedy and killing innocent people because they must be the evil sorcerers. It is increasingly obvious that this is a basic aspect of human nature and gives me reason to fear for our future.

2003-02-17T20:31:00.000-05:00

Ornithology Today – Naturalists have recorded a serious decline in the population of rare vultures in South Africa. The problem is that vulture heads can help you win the lottery. What, you didn’t know that?

2003-02-17T20:18:00.000-05:00

Not All Vampires Suck – (book notes) – Vampyrrhic by Simon Clark – Sooner or later everybody who writes about horror fiction has to tackle vampires. Science fiction has Trek-like space opera, fantasy has Tolkienesque trilogies, horror has vampirism. It is the most popular sub-genre and the first thing most people think of when you mention horror. “Oh, you like that spooky stuff? I’ll be you’re into vampires!” Well, yes and no. Yes, how can I not like vamps? They are a classic archetype, they are sexy, they are gruesome, they are the most versatile of monsters. You can do anything with them, you can make them romantic, disgusting, super-human, animalistic, weak, strong, or downright silly, and the basic image remains. On the other hand they have become ubiquitous. Tons of crud have been printed with fanged fiends on the covers. Some writers have made a pretty good living churning out thrillers with sad, romantic vampires -- pale, sexy people, immortal and super-powered, living out our dark fantasies of blood and lust. Oh, and they kill people and drink their blood. We have soft-core porn vampires, worlds with vampires on every corner (just there for the killing), vampires in warring clans (yes, like that game), and vampires who like to kill other vampires. Some of it can be pretty entertaining in a not-very-original, action thrill-ride sort of way. Some of it can be pretty good. Some of it can just plain suck (well, you knew that was coming).

The problem is that with all the stuff that has been written before it is pretty difficult to come up with any new way to use the old beasties. If you want to write something that stands apart you certainly don’t want the romantic sexy vampire as that has been pretty well played out. If you go with the monstrous creature type you may not be able to use the erotic aspects of your vamps. Furthermore you have got to make them powerful enough to be really scary, but find some way to check their power so that they don't take over the world in a few nights and so that our fearless heroes have a fighting chance. Sounds like a pretty daunting task for any writer.

Simon Clark has a reputation for being able to take an old theme and re-work it into something of his own. In Vampyrrhic he did just that. He took on the task of creating vampires that were revolting monsters but still had an erotic component. He gave us an army of the night that could destroy the world with a believable reason why they might not. His creatures have an air of verisimilitude that we rational 21st century readers seem to need, but still imbued them with a mythic quality.

Four people are brought together in the old English town of Leppington; a young woman obsessed by a fear of unknown forces, a brutal, savage man with a hidden talent, a woman with a dark secret, and a young doctor with a strange heritage he has yet to discover. They uncover the bloody secret of the doctor’s family and the town and learn that they are all that stands between a horde of monsters and mankind. A lot of recent vampire fiction has focused on the creature, robbing him of mystery and the ability to terrify the reader. Simon keeps his creatures in the shadows through much of the book, making them figures of mystery and menace. This original re-working of the vampire myth is inventive, the characters are fully realized, the monsters are interesting and frightening, and the plot and pacing is exciting. Vampyrrhic is one vampire novel that I would recommend even to horror fans who say that they don’t like vampire novels.

2003-02-15T14:57:00.000-05:00

Mark Your Calendars – March 3rd is International Read a Comic Book in Public Day. I think this is a swell idea and makes a good point. Count me in. (via Bookslut)

2003-02-15T14:11:00.000-05:00

Tom Gordon Gets a Pop-Up – Hellnotes reports that Stephen King’s The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon will soon be published in a pop-up version. I’m not quite sure how a novel that was largely hallucination and internal monologue will translate into folded cardboard, but I think it could be fun. Will the book be sponsored by Giant Glass (”who do you call when your windshield’s busted?”)? Will we be seeing the pop-up Tom “Flash” Gordon in his old Red Sox uniform? Will a 3D Trisha eat a fish -- head, tail and all? That would be cool. I just love the idea of pop-up versions of horror stories. How about a pop-up Books of Blood? Or better yet, wouldn’t the kids love a pop-up Santa Steps Out?

2003-02-15T11:27:00.000-05:00

Watching Watching the Nightingales – Episode 14 arrived last week, but last week was pretty full, so I just got around to reading it. I’m kind of creeped out by Alex’s mom’s dermatological exam. It doesn’t seem to fit into the story. If that proves to be the case then it is just a random bit of weirdness and should probably be excised from the final version. Perhaps it has some significance that the reader is not yet aware of. I also think this episode was a little heavy with nostalgia for childhood. Alex’s maundering about fishing with bent pins and catching fireflies is getting dangerously close to being cloying and clichéd. I’m looking forward to episode 15 to find out what Jack and Freddy saw.

2003-02-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

Update – Last month I posted my New Year’s resolutions. Let’s see how I’m doing.

1. Post more regularly. Pretty bad so far. I’ve been a lax blog keeper.

2. Post more book reviews. Terrible. I’ve got a few to write, but just haven’t had the time.

3. Consume less sodium, be less massive. Sigh.

4. Read more books. I’m on a pace to just about match last year. Perhaps I need to read shorter books.

5. Write fiction that is not crap. Not even close.

6. Make ravioli. Nope.

7. Make more money. Well, here we may have made some progress. I’ve gotten a promotion at work and will be running a store in the middle of town. The good part of this is that I’ve reduced my commute by an hour and a half a day (which is like getting another couple of weeks per year) and increased my income by a decent percentage (I’m still barely making ends meet, but I have a little more breathing room). The bad part is that for the last couple of weeks I’ve been running back and forth between my new job and my old, and have had almost no time or energy for a personal life. And I still haven’t gotten my raise. Oh well, it should all be worked out in a little while. Maybe then I’ll be able to get to the rest of the resolutions. I really want that ravioli. Well, enough about me.

2003-02-02T20:45:00.000-05:00

My Folks Went to Bengal, and All I Got Was This Lousy Human Skull – A man police describe as a tourist has been arrested because he was carrying 100 skulls in a bag. I’m wondering what kind of souvenir shop he visited. I only ever find shot-glasses, spoons, and T-shirts.

2003-02-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

Mmm. Groundhog – It is, of course, Groundhog Day. If you want to really get into the holiday I suggest you follow these instructions. Important tip: Don’t forget to remove the scent glands.

2003-02-02T20:33:00.000-05:00

Watching Watching the Nightingales – Episode 13 arrived this week. Alex is recovering from his seizure (if that’s all it was) and Emmy tells him a family secret. It is truly something to behold, the way Douglas Clegg can reveal his plot’s secrets just a little at a time, keeping the reader hanging on episode after episode. With just a few well chosen words he can cause his reader to experience anticipatory dread, feel intrigued about the secret experiments of Mr. Nightingale, and learn to empathize with characters who feel as real as anyone I’ve ever met. I’m not sure how he does it. Something akin to alchemy I suppose.

2003-02-02T20:32:00.000-05:00

Mass Waggle – I have always felt that shaving is a bit strange. Scraping a blade over your face seems to me to be a silly affectation. I salute my bearded brothers in London today, and be assured that I am waggling with them across the pond.

2003-02-02T20:10:00.000-05:00

Fiction At Twenty-Four Frames Per Second – I finally saw the new Lord of the Rings movie. I quite liked it, of course. Very dark. I loved Gimli, the dwarf. Handsome fellow.

2003-02-02T20:02:00.000-05:00

Magazine to Watch Out For – I see that Locus plans a special horror issue. We’ll just have to keep an eye out for that.

2003-02-01T15:37:00.000-05:00

Music For Heroes – Earlier this week I bought a CD of Verdi’s Requiem. I wanted to give it a spin, but time has been a difficult thing to find lately, so I set it aside and made a note in my calendar on my first open day to remind myself to listen. Today, I opened my calendar and found my note. I had written just one word – Requiem.

The death of heroes is always tragic. They strap themselves to rockets and fly though wind, vacuum, fire, and ice at speeds that make bullets look slow. They push back the bounds of human knowledge and represent our highest aspirations. They are among the best our species has to offer. They give much and have much to lose. They know the danger of what they do. They understand it with perfect clarity. And they go anyway.

2003-01-29T22:47:00.000-05:00

A Policeman’s Lot Is Not a Happy One – Police in Zambia have been having no end of trouble with witches. They chased down one who engaged in “chikondo,” a sort of geis placed upon a coffin. The coffin then directs the pallbearers to the witch or wizard responsible for the death of the occupant. Police say that this has lead to violence. They are also looking for a witch who sold “medicine” to fugitives that helped them escape the police. Unfortunately they have run out of gasoline and have had to postpone the dragnet. Coincidence? I think not.

2003-01-29T22:25:00.000-05:00

You Eat What You Are – Congolese rebel soldiers have been cooking and eating pygmies and members of other tribes. The eye-witness reports are particularly gruesome. While no one can explain this recent surge of cannibalism, I find the theory suggested near the end of the story to be interesting. The rebels have been fighting with members of the Mayi-Mayi tribe. Some believe that the Mayi-Mayi can transform bullets into water. However, if you have eaten the heart of a young man, your bullets can kill them. Cannibalism is often based on a desire to consume the power, attributes, and life-energy of the victim along with his flesh. Or perhaps they just love their fellow man – on a spit. Either way, I think I’ll stay out of the Congo for a while.

2003-01-29T21:49:00.000-05:00

Memento Mori – Planning a trip to Italy? You must visit the catacombs of Rome and Palermo. It is just wonderful what you can do to brighten up a tomb if you have a lot of time, an artistic touch, and a lot of Cappuccinos.

2003-01-29T20:30:00.000-05:00

Vampire Vanquished – Longtime readers of this blog will know that I have been dreading Romania’s plan to build a Dracula theme park in Transylvania. The idea was to build a faux medieval castle, destroying a real medieval town in the process. The light of reason seems to have dawned, because the tourist trap will now be built in Bucharest. Some vampire fans will no doubt protest because the real Dracula came from Transylvania, but someone needs to point out that “real Dracula” is an oxymoron. Dracula was a fictional character. The widely held notion that he was based on Vald Tepes is seriously believed only by the Romanian tourist agency, the very gullible, and people who just haven’t given it much thought.

2003-01-26T17:14:00.000-05:00

Our Past, Our Present, Our Future – I recently exchanged correspondence with that fair and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore. The subject of the Salem Witch Trials came up. Why would people believe and do such weird and awful things? An answer may be found today in Malawi. Nine people have been killed by lions, but the lions seem to have vanished. People have begun to think that the lions but catspaws of a witch. Here then are three great motivators that have always driven our species. The first is fear. Malawi is a poor country, where death stalks the people every day. Famine, disease, civil strife, and now wild animals can strike at any moment. Terror is a normal part of everyday life. If doom can envelope you and all you love without warning at any moment of any day, you will believe in anything that might help you survive. That brings us to our second motivator, the need to control our surroundings. We can’t catch the lions, but we can find out who is controlling them. Perhaps if we banish the devil from our town, we will feel a little safer. This leads to the third great motivator, the human desire for revenge. When things go badly for us, we seem to need to blame someone and make them feel our suffering. Whether it is hanging the old woman next door because my cow stopped giving milk or shooting people in a church because their religion is to blame for my suffering, the impulse to identify an enemy and make him suffer for our losses is a trait that may well define our species. You will find it wherever you find people who are terrorized. It has always been so, and will always be so.

2003-01-25T21:30:00.000-05:00

Exorcismpalooza – Some 5000 people who are possessed by evil spirits are converging on the Indian village of Malajpur, where they will have their demons exorcised by the 200 specially trained priests who live there. The spirits are cast into two banyan trees, which are probably getting pretty full, since this exorcism fair has been held annually for about 250 years. Tens of thousands of people are there, and I’m betting it is a heck of a party.

2003-01-25T18:24:00.000-05:00

Man I’m Getting Frustrated With Blogger – A couple of days of posts have just vanished. I’ll try to get them back. Damn.

2003-01-25T13:59:00.000-05:00

Watching Watching the Nightingales – Oh wow. Episode 12 of Watching the Nightingales arrived in the inbox this week and it is a total trip. We have again flashed back to the protagonist’s childhood, and man that kid is going through some seriously surreal nastiness. This episode is a science-fiction horror with weird supernatural overtones. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but I’m hanging on for the ride.

2003-01-25T13:02:00.000-05:00

Book Biz – Last week Random House fired their respected publisher Ann Godoff. This week their arch-rival Penguin Group hired her (NYTimes, free reg. req.). For those of us who follow the book business like a sport, this is going to be fun.

2003-01-23T23:15:00.000-05:00

Yet More Inspiration For Writers of Horror Stories – Auntie seems awfully tired lately. She never seems to want to get out of bed. She’s been there for a year and a half. And she seems to have lost her appetite. Entirely. She doesn’t look at all well.

2003-01-20T20:44:00.000-05:00

The Terrible Legacy of Abigail Williams and Elizabeth Parris – I live near Salem, Massachusetts. Our local history includes the awful year of 1692, when people came to believe that their children had become witches. Madness ensued. Fortunate us, such things are relegated to the past. Fortunate us, we no longer fear our own children, and blame them for our misfortunes. Fortunate us, who do not live in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where more than 20,000 children have been accused of witchcraft.

2003-01-20T19:54:00.000-05:00

Interview With the Vampire’s Victim – Here is a pretty good article updating the ongoing Malawi vampire crisis. The government has begun trying to squelch the rumors and even arrested a journalist who interviewed a man who claimed that his village had been attacked by vamps. He has since been released.

2003-01-19T22:34:00.000-05:00

A Thousand Words – The “anti-war” movement.

2003-01-19T22:01:00.000-05:00

Criminal Poetry – The California Supreme Court has agreed to hear the case of a teenager who was expelled from school, charged and convicted of a crime, and sentenced to 100 days in juvenile hall because he wrote a disturbing poem. When exactly was the Bill of Rights suspended in California?

2003-01-19T21:49:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Mr. Poe! – Today is Edgar A. Poe’s 194th birthday. The great man was born Boston, the Athens of America. Unfortunately, Mr. Poe never warmed up to the Hub, derisively referring to it as Frogpondium. When I am doing research on EAP, I usually start at the Baltimore Society’s website. Highly recommended.

2003-01-19T21:41:00.000-05:00

What Could Have Gotten Into Her? – We are getting used to seeing people protesting in front of Roman Catholic diocese chanceries, but the woman in the ski mask holding a sign had was upset about something we don’t see too often. It seems that she used to be possessed by several demons, but the Norwich Diocese refused to perform an exorcism when she needed it. What’s the world coming to if you can’t get your own Bishop to cast out a few demons for you? The photo that accompanies the story is priceless.

2003-01-18T17:52:00.000-05:00

Watching Watching the Nightingales – Douglas Clegg is a tease. I mean that in the good sense. Episode 11 of Watching the Nightingales is finally here, with no answers, only hints of answers and promises of answers. The atmosphere of tension and dread is about as thick as it can be. What is it that awaits them in the basement? I guess we subscribers will find out next episode.

2003-01-18T14:23:00.000-05:00

Eat. Sleep. Work. – That pretty much sums up my life for the last couple of weeks. I’ve had no time for anything but the essentials, so I’ve been a pretty lousy correspondent and blog-keeper for a while. Sorry about that, but I’ll be getting my personal life back very soon.

2003-01-09T22:00:00.000-05:00

Irony – Researchers have isolated a protein in the saliva of vampire bats that they say could be converted into a drug to help treat people at risk for stroke. This gives us the image of humans hunting vampires in order to extract life-giving fluid. Take that, Drac!

2003-01-09T21:45:00.000-05:00

What, Again? – We’ve seen it too often. Sometimes the news seems like it is on a tape loop. A spiritual leader, trusted and loved by his congregants, is not what he seems. By the light of day he runs the church and provides comfort to his flock, but in the darkness of his heart he holds a terrible secret. He wants that which he must not have – and he acts on those forbidden desires. Finally the police are called in and the tawdry secret is out. Yes, while it is hard to believe, he has been worshiping skulls.

2003-01-09T21:28:00.000-05:00

Narrow Houses – A standard coffin looks just too boxy and old fashioned for you. No, you are a unique individual, you should have a unique coffin, a genuine work of art that expresses the real you. But once you have your art-coffin, it seems a shame to just keep it in storage until you are ready for it. One fellow who will eventually be buried in a canal boat uses his for a coffee table. In Ireland a gallery is putting on an exhibition of these wacky final resting places. Your thought-assignment for the day, fellow spirits, is to consider your ultimate residence. What would you like to be interred in? A comically outsized cigar box? A huge urn? A really big pumpkin? I’ve always fancied something pharaonic.

2003-01-09T21:26:00.000-05:00

Frickin’ Blogger – Posted something three days ago, still not up. Frickin’ Blogger.

2003-01-06T23:14:00.000-05:00

New Book By J.R.R. Tolkien To Be Published – A previously unpublished manuscript about Beowulf, including Tolkien’s translation, will be out this year. Lord of the Rings fans will be interested because this is the source of a lot of Middle-Earth. Fans of epic poetry will be interested because it was Tolkien’s scholarship that pulled Beowulf from the academic margin to the place of importance it now has. I’m interested because I’ve always thought it was a whomping great story. Somebody tell Peter Jackson, I can’t wait to see the CGI Grendel’s mom.

2003-01-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

Just Another Day in Tanzania – What must it be like to live in Tanzania, where this is just another routine news story, mixed in with the usual headlines about crime and politics? Seems this wizard fell out of the sky. He was flying about, off to do some witchcraft, when he just falls, smack into a group of praying Christians. I guess the spiritual energy created some sort of cosmic turbulence. He was so freaked out by this (and who wouldn’t be?) that he converted on the spot, and swore off wizarding forever. Man. Nothing cool like that ever happens around here.

2003-01-05T16:31:00.000-05:00

And Now, the Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For . . .

The First Annual Prix Invisibles !

The Prix Invisibles – The Prix Invisibles are the official literary awards of The Haunted Weblog. Awarded to the books and stories that most haunted us in the previous year, the awards are unusual in that they do not reward merit to new books only. Since the keeper of this weblog is an incomplete reader, he often reads and reviews older works in a never ending attempt to get caught up. These works are just as likely to win as any other.

The Prix Invisible is unique among literary awards as it has the quality of being completely invisible. It is delivered to the honoree by spiritual messenger, there to take a place of pride in the author’s home. The recipient will feel a warm glow when contemplating its presence, while visitors would no doubt gaze upon it with envy, if such were possible.

And so, without further ado, the 2003 Prix Invisibles!

History of the Year – The Prix Invisible for most haunting history book of the year goes to Buried Alive by Jan Bondeson. Reviewed in August, the award comes with special hemlock leaf clusters added by The Flaming Orangutans, our local Edgar Poe appreciation society. Mr. Bondeson’s book revealed one of the hidden passions of history, demonstrated the weirdness of man, and shined new light on previously murky corners of folklore, European and American history, and literature. It did all that while delivering the occasional laugh. For all this, and for introducing us to the words scheintod and leichenhaus, we confer the 2003 Prix Invisible for history to this book.

Instructional of the Year – The Prix Invisible for instructional book of the year goes to The Weblog Handbook by Rebecca Blood. Reviewed in July, it is important to note that this blog took on the style and focus that it now has in August. This is by no means a coincidence. While a bit long on “netiquette” and a bit short on nuts and bolts advice, The Weblog Handbook inspired me to think about the process of keeping a weblog in new ways. The best “how-to” books inspire as well as instruct, and this book caused me to focus my thoughts and find the style I was looking for. As such I credit Rebecca Blood with helping me find my bloggy way, and therefore confer upon her the 2003 Prix Invisible for instructional of the year.

The Literature Award – This award is given to the best book about books or literature, which this year was Wide as the Waters by Benson Bobrick. Reviewed in July (scroll down a little ways), this could easily have won the history award too. This book is about the creation of the most significant book in our language, the King James Bible. If you are at all interested in theology, literature, language, or history, this book is for you.

The Lovecraft Citations – At this point we take a break in the formal ceremonies while the Esoteric Order of Dagon awards The Lovecraft Citations. Not Prix Invisibles, the Citations are awarded to the literary works in long and short form that best uphold the tradition of weird, cosmic horror. The short form citation this year is awarded to “The God of Dark Laughter” by Michael Chabon, which we read in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror after its first appearance in The New Yorker. The long form citation is presented to Threshold, by Caitlín R. Kiernan, reviewed here in September. Congratulations to the honorees for these weirdly powerful works.

Children’s Book of the Year – The Prix Invisible for children’s book of the year goes to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Potter. Reviewed here in November, the fourth book in the wildly popular series was the darkest yet, and promises much for future volumes. Because I have joined the millions of people around the world waiting for those future volumes, it was pretty much a no-brainer to grant this Prix Invisible to Harry Potter.

Anthology of the Year – The Prix Invisible for most haunting anthology goes to The Darker Side, edited by John Pelan. Reviewed here in October, this original anthology includes some of the best stories I saw all year. While a couple of stories were sub-par, they were more than made up for by the overall high quality of this book. Since I am sure we will be seeing a lot of these stories nominated for the better known awards, I thought I’d get a jump on them by granting a 2003 Prix Invisible to The Darker Side.

Short Story of the Year – The Prix Invisible for short story of the year goes to “Unspeakable” by Lucy Taylor. It was included in the Prix Invisible winning anthology The Darker Side (see above), and is one of the most original and devastating works of psychological horror fiction I’ve seen. It is an amazing story that fully deserves the Prix Invisible.

Novella of the Year – The Prix Invisible for novella of the year goes to “Demons” by John Shirley. Included in the book Demons and reviewed here in July, “Demons” is dark fantasy of the highest order, combining mythology with Shirley’s own mythopoetics to create a story filled with intelligence and emotion.

Collection of the Year – The Prix Invisible for collection of the year goes to The Death Artist by Dennis Etchison. Reviewed in July, the psychological horrors in this book are insightful and painful.

First Novel of the Year – The Prix Invisible for first novel of the year goes to Night Terrors by Drew Williams. Reviewed here in September, Night Terrors transcends its well worn major plot device to deliver a complex and nuanced story tied to a fast-paced gory thriller. Featuring well drawn characters who find themselves in horrific dreamscapes, this hardcore horror novel could be the beginning of a career worth watching.

Fantasy Novel of the Year – The Prix Invisible for fantasy novel of the year is presented to American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Reviewed here in August, Mr. Gaiman’s fantastical palette holds the various mythologies of all mankind. The pictures he paints on his American canvas are deep and mysterious. This book contains stories within stories and meanings within meanings, and is the best modern fictional use of mythic archetypes I’ve ever seen.

Horror Novel of the Year – The Prix Invisible for horror novel of the year goes to The Hour Before Dark by Douglas Clegg. Reviewed here in November, this novel prompted a lot of critics to proclaim Douglas Clegg to be the reigning master of family-based horror. I would argue that such a designation is too limiting, and here proclaim Douglas Clegg to be the master of character-based horror. Even that is really too limiting, as Clegg frequently wraps his fascinating and true-to-life characters around big, jaw-dropping horror ideas (and sometimes around small, jaw-droppingly well written horror ideas). I will be stunned if The Hour Before Dark is not honored at one or more of the major visible award ceremonies this year. You heard it here first.

Novel of the Year – A hush draws over the audience here in The Haunted Auditorium as we wait for the most coveted prize of all, the Prix Invisible for novel of the year. The envelope is opened, the card is read . . . the winner is American Gods by Neil Gaiman! American Gods is the first multi-Prix Invisible winner. As we said back in August, this novel “is about faith, worship, god-hood, fidelity, love, sacrifice, and the soul of America. It is one of the most profoundly spiritual novels I have ever read. Just as myths and legends are repeated to be understood more deeply at each telling, this novel cries out to be read more than once. It’s that good.” Therefore, we are proud to award the Prix Invisible for novel of the year to Neil Gaiman for American Gods.

Well, there you have it, the 2003 Prix Invisibles. Congratulations to all the winners. I hope you enjoyed the show. See you again next year!

2003-01-02T23:29:00.000-05:00

I’m Pretty Sure Decapitation Isn’t In the Rules – Finding a frozen head floating in a river should be weird enough, but the media has to make a big deal of the fact that the victim liked to play Vampire: The Masquerade. A Swedish guy in bits and pieces? No big deal. He was a horror fan and liked to play dress-up? Ooh, there’s a story.

2003-01-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

Seems Like a Reasonable Response to Me – Let’s say you are living in an area known for its large number of lightning strikes. Let’s say that a few houses are hit by lightning in this high altitude lightning-prone region of yours. You certainly don’t want this sort of thing to continue, so you get the local neighborhood watch together, talk it out, decide who in town is probably the witch that is bringing all this lighting down on you, and torch his house. Who could argue with that?

2003-01-01T15:37:00.000-05:00

Fearless Forecasts – I have swirled my tea leaves, consulted the oracles, studied the giblets of a duck, and peered into my mystic crystals. Here then are the Fearless Forecasts, The Haunted Weblog’s predictions for 2003.

1. The New England Patriots will not repeat as Superbowl Champions.

2. The Boston Red Sox will not meet the Chicago Cubs in the World Series.

3. This time next year the economy will be better than it is now. This will be driven by a drop in oil prices.

4. The Booker Prize will be surrounded by controversy. This controversy will cover the fact that the winning book will be insipid and unoriginal.

5. Douglas Clegg will win another Stoker award.

6. However, Douglas Clegg’s name will not appear on the New York Times Bestseller list.

7. Over 90% of everything that does appear on the New York Times Bestseller list will be crap.

8. The late V.C. Andrews will continue to communicate from the grave.

9. A big book by a man named Robert Jordan will sell pretty darn well starting next week.

10. Before the end of the year the next Harry Potter book will have sold more than five million copies (a mind-numbingly large figure) making it the biggest bestseller of all time.

2003-01-01T14:58:00.000-05:00

I Resolve – Here they are, my pointless resolutions. We’ll check back next year and see how I’ve done.

1. To post more regularly.

2. To post more book reviews.

3. To consume less sodium and be less massive (as death would be a significant inconvenience).

4. To read more books (my average of just over 3.5 per month in this last year is a little low).

5. To write fiction that is not crap.

6. To make ravioli (just something I’ve always wanted to do).

7. To make more money (since poverty sucks).

2003-01-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

Ashes to Jewelry, Dust to Paint – It was last summer when we first heard of the process to turn human remains into jewelry. This week the first “diamond” was delivered. The quarter-carat stone used to be an eighty year old grandmother from Alberta. The story suggests that the next thing will be to have our remains mixed with paint and worked into art. Imagine spending eternity as a painting of Elvis on velvet.

2003-01-01T14:07:00.000-05:00

The Littlest Vampire – The touching tale of the littlest vampire and how she came to America.

2003-01-01T00:12:00.000-05:00

Happy Symbolic Re-set – Greetings fellow spirits. The New Year is upon us. Best wishes for 2003. Stay tuned, as the next few days will bring us my pointless resolutions, my fearless forecasts (I’m polishing my crystal ball and consulting my oracles), and the all important, highly anticipated, first annual Prix Invisibles, The Haunted Weblog’s own literary awards. Now there’s something to look forward to.